Ulysses
By James Joyce

II (K)

(HALCYON DAYS, HIGH SCHOOL BOYS IN BLUE AND WHITE FOOTBALL JERSEYS AND SHORTS, MASTER DONALD TURNBULL, MASTER ABRAHAM CHATTERTON, MASTER OWEN GOLDBERG, MASTER JACK MEREDITH, MASTER PERCY APJOHN, STAND IN A CLEARING OF THE TREES AND SHOUT TO MASTER LEOPOLD BLOOM.)

THE HALCYON DAYS: Mackerel! Live us again. Hurray! (THEY CHEER)

BLOOM: (HOBBLEDEHOY, WARMGLOVED, MAMMAMUFFLERED, STARRED WITH SPENT SNOWBALLS, STRUGGLES TO RISE) Again! I feel sixteen! What a lark! Let’s ring all the bells in Montague street. (HE CHEERS FEEBLY) Hurray for the High School!

THE ECHO: Fool!

THE YEWS: (RUSTLING) She is right, our sister. Whisper. (WHISPERED KISSES ARE HEARD IN ALL THE WOOD. FACES OF HAMADRYADS PEEP OUT FROM THE BOLES AND AMONG THE LEAVES AND BREAK, BLOSSOMING INTO BLOOM.) Who profaned our silent shade?

THE NYMPH: (COYLY, THROUGH PARTING FINGERS) There? In the open air?

THE YEWS: (SWEEPING DOWNWARD) Sister, yes. And on our virgin sward.

The Waterfall:

    Poulaphouca Poulaphouca
    Phoucaphouca Phoucaphouca.

THE NYMPH: (WITH WIDE FINGERS) O, infamy!

BLOOM: I was precocious. Youth. The fauna. I sacrificed to the god of the forest. The flowers that bloom in the spring. It was pairing time. Capillary attraction is a natural phenomenon. Lotty Clarke, flaxenhaired, I saw at her night toilette through illclosed curtains with poor papa’s operaglasses: The wanton ate grass wildly. She rolled downhill at Rialto bridge to tempt me with her flow of animal spirits. She climbed their crooked tree and I ... A saint couldn’t resist it. The demon possessed me. Besides, who saw?

(STAGGERING BOB, A WHITEPOLLED CALF, THRUSTS A RUMINATING HEAD WITH HUMID NOSTRILS THROUGH THE FOLIAGE.)

STAGGERING BOB: (LARGE TEARDROPS ROLLING FROM HIS PROMINENT EYES, SNIVELS) Me. Me see.

BLOOM: Simply satisfying a need I ... (WITH PATHOS) No girl would when I went girling. Too ugly. They wouldn’t play ...

(HIGH ON BEN HOWTH THROUGH RHODODENDRONS A NANNYGOAT PASSES, PLUMPUDDERED, BUTTYTAILED, DROPPING CURRANTS.)

THE NANNYGOAT: (BLEATS) Megeggaggegg! Nannannanny!

BLOOM: (HATLESS, FLUSHED, COVERED WITH BURRS OF THISTLEDOWN AND GORSESPINE) Regularly engaged. Circumstances alter cases. (HE GAZES INTENTLY DOWNWARDS ON THE WATER) Thirtytwo head over heels per second. Press nightmare. Giddy Elijah. Fall from cliff. Sad end of government printer’s clerk. (THROUGH SILVERSILENT SUMMER AIR THE DUMMY OF BLOOM, ROLLED IN A MUMMY, ROLLS ROTEATINGLY FROM THE LION’S HEAD CLIFF INTO THE PURPLE WAITING WATERS.)

THE DUMMYMUMMY: Bbbbblllllblblblblobschbg!

(FAR OUT IN THE BAY BETWEEN BAILEY AND KISH LIGHTS THE Erin’s King SAILS, SENDING A BROADENING PLUME OF COALSMOKE FROM HER FUNNEL TOWARDS THE LAND.)

COUNCILLOR NANNETII: (ALONE ON DECK, IN DARK ALPACA, YELLOWKITEFACED, HIS HAND IN HIS WAISTCOAT OPENING, DECLAIMS) When my country takes her place among the nations of the earth, then, and not till then, let my epitaph be written. I have ...

BLOOM: Done. Prff!

THE NYMPH: (LOFTILY) We immortals, as you saw today, have not such a place and no hair there either. We are stonecold and pure. We eat electric light. (SHE ARCHES HER BODY IN LASCIVIOUS CRISPATION, PLACING HER FOREFINGER IN HER MOUTH) Spoke to me. Heard from behind. How then could you ...?

BLOOM: (PAWING THE HEATHER ABJECTLY) O, I have been a perfect pig. Enemas too I have administered. One third of a pint of quassia to which add a tablespoonful of rocksalt. Up the fundament. With Hamilton Long’s syringe, the ladies’ friend.

THE NYMPH: In my presence. The powderpuff. (SHE BLUSHES AND MAKES A KNEE) And the rest!

BLOOM: (DEJECTED) Yes. PECCAVI! I have paid homage on that living altar where the back changes name. (WITH SUDDEN FERVOUR) For why should the dainty scented jewelled hand, the hand that rules ...?

(FIGURES WIND SERPENTING IN SLOW WOODLAND PATTERN AROUND THE TREESTEMS, COOEEING)

THE VOICE OF KITTY: (IN THE THICKET) Show us one of them cushions.

THE VOICE OF FLORRY: Here.

(a Grouse Wings Clumsily Through the Underwood.)

THE VOICE OF LYNCH: (IN THE THICKET) Whew! Piping hot!

THE VOICE OF ZOE: (FROM THE THICKET) Came from a hot place.

THE VOICE OF VIRAG: (A BIRDCHIEF, BLUESTREAKED AND FEATHERED IN WAR PANOPLY WITH HIS ASSEGAI, STRIDING THROUGH A CRACKLING CANEBRAKE OVER BEECHMAST AND ACORNS) Hot! Hot! Ware Sitting Bull!

BLOOM: It overpowers me. The warm impress of her warm form. Even to sit where a woman has sat, especially with divaricated thighs, as though to grant the last favours, most especially with previously well uplifted white sateen coatpans. So womanly, full. It fills me full.

The Waterfall:

    Phillaphulla Poulaphouca
    Poulaphouca Poulaphouca.

THE YEWS: Ssh! Sister, speak!

THE NYMPH: (EYELESS, IN NUN’S WHITE HABIT, COIF AND HUGEWINGED WIMPLE, SOFTLY, WITH REMOTE EYES) Tranquilla convent. Sister Agatha. Mount Carmel. The apparitions of Knock and Lourdes. No more desire. (SHE RECLINES HER HEAD, SIGHING) Only the ethereal. Where dreamy creamy gull waves o’er the waters dull.

(bloom Half Rises. His Back Trouserbutton Snaps.)

THE BUTTON: Bip!

(TWO SLUTS OF THE COOMBE DANCE RAINILY BY, SHAWLED, YELLING FLATLY.)

THE SLUTS:

    O, Leopold lost the pin of his drawers
    He didn’t know what to do,
    To keep it up,
    To keep it up.

BLOOM: (COLDLY) You have broken the spell. The last straw. If there were only ethereal where would you all be, postulants and novices? Shy but willing like an ass pissing.

THE YEWS: (THEIR SILVERFOIL OF LEAVES PRECIPITATING, THEIR SKINNY ARMS AGING AND SWAYING) Deciduously!

THE NYMPH: (her features hardening, gropes in the folds of her habit) Sacrilege! To attempt my virtue! (A LARGE MOIST STAIN APPEARS ON HER ROBE) Sully my innocence! You are not fit to touch the garment of a pure woman. (SHE CLUTCHES AGAIN IN HER ROBE) Wait. Satan, you’ll sing no more lovesongs. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. (SHE DRAWS A PONIARD AND, CLAD IN THE SHEATHMAIL OF AN ELECTED KNIGHT OF NINE, STRIKES AT HIS LOINS) Nekum!

BLOOM: (STARTS UP, SEIZES HER HAND) Hoy! Nebrakada! Cat o’ nine lives! Fair play, madam. No pruningknife. The fox and the grapes, is it? What do you lack with your barbed wire? Crucifix not thick enough? (HE CLUTCHES HER VEIL) A holy abbot you want or Brophy, the lame gardener, or the spoutless statue of the watercarrier, or good mother Alphonsus, eh Reynard?

THE NYMPH: (WITH A CRY FLEES FROM HIM UNVEILED, HER PLASTER CAST CRACKING, A CLOUD OF STENCH ESCAPING FROM THE CRACKS) Poli ...!

BLOOM: (CALLS AFTER HER) As if you didn’t get it on the double yourselves. No jerks and multiple mucosities all over you. I tried it. Your strength our weakness. What’s our studfee? What will you pay on the nail? You fee mendancers on the Riviera, I read. (THE FLEEING NYMPH RAISES A KEEN) Eh? I have sixteen years of black slave labour behind me. And would a jury give me five shillings alimony tomorrow, eh? Fool someone else, not me. (HE SNIFFS) Rut. Onions. Stale. Sulphur. Grease.

(the Figure of Bella Cohen Stands Before Him.)

BELLA: You’ll know me the next time.

BLOOM: (COMPOSED, REGARDS HER) Passee. Mutton dressed as lamb. Long in the tooth and superfluous hair. A raw onion the last thing at night would benefit your complexion. And take some double chin drill. Your eyes are as vapid as the glasseyes of your stuffed fox. They have the dimensions of your other features, that’s all. I’m not a triple screw propeller.

BELLA: (CONTEMPTUOUSLY) You’re not game, in fact. (HER SOWCUNT BARKS) Fbhracht!

BLOOM: (CONTEMPTUOUSLY) Clean your nailless middle finger first, your bully’s cold spunk is dripping from your cockscomb. Take a handful of hay and wipe yourself.

BELLA: I know you, canvasser! Dead cod!

BLOOM: I saw him, kipkeeper! Pox and gleet vendor!

BELLA: (TURNS TO THE PIANO) Which of you was playing the dead march from SAUL?

ZOE: Me. Mind your cornflowers. (SHE DARTS TO THE PIANO AND BANGS CHORDS ON IT WITH CROSSED ARMS) The cat’s ramble through the slag. (SHE GLANCES BACK) Eh? Who’s making love to my sweeties? (SHE DARTS BACK TO THE TABLE) What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is my own.

(KITTY, DISCONCERTED, COATS HER TEETH WITH THE SILVER PAPER. BLOOM APPROACHES ZOE.)

BLOOM: (GENTLY) Give me back that potato, will you?

ZOE: Forfeits, a fine thing and a superfine thing.

BLOOM: (WITH FEELING) It is nothing, but still, a relic of poor mamma.

Zoe:

    Give a thing and take it back
    God’ll ask you where is that
    You’ll say you don’t know
    God’ll send you down below.

BLOOM: There is a memory attached to it. I should like to have it.

STEPHEN: To have or not to have that is the question.

ZOE: Here. (SHE HAULS UP A REEF OF HER SLIP, REVEALING HER BARE THIGH, AND UNROLLS THE POTATO FROM THE TOP OF HER STOCKING) Those that hides knows where to find.

BELLA: (FROWNS) Here. This isn’t a musical peepshow. And don’t you smash that piano. Who’s paying here?

(SHE GOES TO THE PIANOLA. STEPHEN FUMBLES IN HIS POCKET AND, TAKING OUT A BANKNOTE BY ITS CORNER, HANDS IT TO HER.)

STEPHEN: (WITH EXAGGERATED POLITENESS) This silken purse I made out of the sow’s ear of the public. Madam, excuse me. If you allow me. (HE INDICATES VAGUELY LYNCH AND BLOOM) We are all in the same sweepstake, Kinch and Lynch. DANS CE BORDEL OU TENONS NOSTRE ETAT.

LYNCH: (CALLS FROM THE HEARTH) Dedalus! Give her your blessing for me.

STEPHEN: (HANDS BELLA A COIN) Gold. She has it.

BELLA: (LOOKS AT THE MONEY, THEN AT STEPHEN, THEN AT ZOE, FLORRY AND KITTY) Do you want three girls? It’s ten shillings here.

STEPHEN: (DELIGHTEDLY) A hundred thousand apologies. (HE FUMBLES AGAIN AND TAKES OUT AND HANDS HER TWO CROWNS) Permit, BREVI MANU, my sight is somewhat troubled.

(BELLA GOES TO THE TABLE TO COUNT THE MONEY WHILE STEPHEN TALKS TO HIMSELF IN MONOSYLLABLES. ZOE BENDS OVER THE TABLE. KITTY LEANS OVER ZOE’S NECK. LYNCH GETS UP, RIGHTS HIS CAP AND, CLASPING KITTY’S WAIST, ADDS HIS HEAD TO THE GROUP.)

FLORRY: (STRIVES HEAVILY TO RISE) Ow! My foot’s asleep. (SHE LIMPS OVER TO THE TABLE. BLOOM APPROACHES.)

BELLA, ZOE, KITTY, LYNCH, BLOOM: (CHATTERING AND SQUABBLING) The gentleman ... ten shillings ... paying for the three ... allow me a moment ... this gentleman pays separate ... who’s touching it? ... ow! ... mind who you’re pinching ... are you staying the night or a short time?... who did?... you’re a liar, excuse me ... the gentleman paid down like a gentleman ... drink ... it’s long after eleven.

STEPHEN: (AT THE PIANOLA, MAKING A GESTURE OF ABHORRENCE) No bottles! What, eleven? A riddle!

ZOE: (LIFTING UP HER PETTIGOWN AND FOLDING A HALF SOVEREIGN INTO THE TOP OF HER STOCKING) Hard earned on the flat of my back.

LYNCH: (LIFTING KITTY FROM THE TABLE) Come!

KITTY: Wait. (SHE CLUTCHES THE TWO CROWNS)

FLORRY: And me?

LYNCH: Hoopla! (HE LIFTS HER, CARRIES HER AND BUMPS HER DOWN ON THE SOFA.)

Stephen:

    The fox crew, the cocks flew,
    The bells in heaven
    Were striking eleven.
    ’Tis time for her poor soul
    To get out of heaven.

BLOOM: (QUIETLY LAYS A HALF SOVEREIGN ON THE TABLE BETWEEN BELLA AND FLORRY) So. Allow me. (HE TAKES UP THE POUNDNOTE) Three times ten. We’re square.

BELLA: (ADMIRINGLY) You’re such a slyboots, old cocky. I could kiss you.

ZOE: (POINTS) Him? Deep as a drawwell. (LYNCH BENDS KITTY BACK OVER THE SOFA AND KISSES HER. BLOOM GOES WITH THE POUNDNOTE TO STEPHEN.)

BLOOM: This is yours.

STEPHEN: How is that? LES DISTRAIT or absentminded beggar. (HE FUMBLES AGAIN IN HIS POCKET AND DRAWS OUT A HANDFUL OF COINS. AN OBJECT FILLS.) That fell.

BLOOM: (STOOPING, PICKS UP AND HANDS A BOX OF MATCHES) This.

STEPHEN: Lucifer. Thanks.

BLOOM: (QUIETLY) You had better hand over that cash to me to take care of. Why pay more?

STEPHEN: (HANDS HIM ALL HIS COINS) Be just before you are generous.

BLOOM: I will but is it wise? (HE COUNTS) One, seven, eleven, and five. Six. Eleven. I don’t answer for what you may have lost.

STEPHEN: Why striking eleven? Proparoxyton. Moment before the next Lessing says. Thirsty fox. (HE LAUGHS LOUDLY) Burying his grandmother. Probably he killed her.

BLOOM: That is one pound six and eleven. One pound seven, say.

STEPHEN: Doesn’t matter a rambling damn.

BLOOM: No, but ...

STEPHEN: (COMES TO THE TABLE) Cigarette, please. (LYNCH TOSSES A CIGARETTE FROM THE SOFA TO THE TABLE) And so Georgina Johnson is dead and married. (A CIGARETTE APPEARS ON THE TABLE. STEPHEN LOOKS AT IT) Wonder. Parlour magic. Married. Hm. (HE STRIKES A MATCH AND PROCEEDS TO LIGHT THE CIGARETTE WITH ENIGMATIC MELANCHOLY)

LYNCH: (WATCHING HIM) You would have a better chance of lighting it if you held the match nearer.

STEPHEN: (BRINGS THE MATCH NEAR HIS EYE) Lynx eye. Must get glasses. Broke them yesterday. Sixteen years ago. Distance. The eye sees all flat. (HE DRAWS THE MATCH AWAY. IT GOES OUT.) Brain thinks. Near: far. Ineluctable modality of the visible. (HE FROWNS MYSTERIOUSLY) Hm. Sphinx. The beast that has twobacks at midnight. Married.

ZOE: It was a commercial traveller married her and took her away with him.

FLORRY: (NODS) Mr Lambe from London.

STEPHEN: Lamb of London, who takest away the sins of our world.

Lynch: (embracing Kitty On the Sofa, Chants Deeply) Dona Nobis Pacem.

(THE CIGARETTE SLIPS FROM STEPHEN ’S FINGERS. BLOOM PICKS IT UP AND THROWS IT IN THE GRATE.)

BLOOM: Don’t smoke. You ought to eat. Cursed dog I met. (TO ZOE) You have nothing?

ZOE: Is he hungry?

STEPHEN: (EXTENDS HIS HAND TO HER SMILING AND CHANTS TO THE AIR OF THE BLOODOATH IN THE Dusk of the Gods)

    Hangende Hunger,
    Fragende Frau,
    Macht uns alle kaputt.

ZOE: (TRAGICALLY) Hamlet, I am thy father’s gimlet! (SHE TAKES HIS HAND) Blue eyes beauty I’ll read your hand. (SHE POINTS TO HIS FOREHEAD) No wit, no wrinkles. (SHE COUNTS) Two, three, Mars, that’s courage. (STEPHEN SHAKES HIS HEAD) No kid.

LYNCH: Sheet lightning courage. The youth who could not shiver and shake. (TO ZOE) Who taught you palmistry?

ZOE: (TURNS) Ask my ballocks that I haven’t got. (TO STEPHEN) I see it in your face. The eye, like that. (SHE FROWNS WITH LOWERED HEAD)

LYNCH: (LAUGHING, SLAPS KITTY BEHIND TWICE) Like that. Pandybat.

(TWICE LOUDLY A PANDYBAT CRACKS, THE COFFIN OF THE PIANOLA FLIES OPEN, THE BALD LITTLE ROUND JACK-IN-THE-BOX HEAD OF FATHER DOLAN SPRINGS UP.)

FATHER DOLAN: Any boy want flogging? Broke his glasses? Lazy idle little schemer. See it in your eye.

(MILD, BENIGN, RECTORIAL, REPROVING, THE HEAD OF DON JOHN CONMEE RISES FROM THE PIANOLA COFFIN.)

DON JOHN CONMEE: Now, Father Dolan! Now. I’m sure that Stephen is a very good little boy!

ZOE: (EXAMINING STEPHEN’S PALM) Woman’s hand.

STEPHEN: (MURMURS) Continue. Lie. Hold me. Caress. I never could read His handwriting except His criminal thumbprint on the haddock.

ZOE: What day were you born?

STEPHEN: Thursday. Today.

ZOE: Thursday’s child has far to go. (SHE TRACES LINES ON HIS HAND) Line of fate. Influential friends.

FLORRY: (POINTING) Imagination.

ZOE: Mount of the moon. You’ll meet with a ... (SHE PEERS AT HIS HANDS ABRUPTLY) I won’t tell you what’s not good for you. Or do you want to know?

BLOOM: (DETACHES HER FINGERS AND OFFERS HIS PALM) More harm than good. Here. Read mine.

BELLA: Show. (SHE TURNS UP BLOOM’S HAND) I thought so. Knobby knuckles for the women.

ZOE: (PEERING AT BLOOM’S PALM) Gridiron. Travels beyond the sea and marry money.

BLOOM: Wrong.

ZOE: (QUICKLY) O, I see. Short little finger. Henpecked husband. That wrong?

(BLACK LIZ, A HUGE ROOSTER HATCHING IN A CHALKED CIRCLE, RISES, STRETCHES HER WINGS AND CLUCKS.)

BLACK LIZ: Gara. Klook. Klook. Klook.

(she Sidles From Her Newlaid Egg and Waddles Off)

BLOOM: (POINTS TO HIS HAND) That weal there is an accident. Fell and cut it twentytwo years ago. I was sixteen.

ZOE: I see, says the blind man. Tell us news.

STEPHEN: See? Moves to one great goal. I am twentytwo. Sixteen years ago he was twentytwo too. Sixteen years ago I twentytwo tumbled. Twentytwo years ago he sixteen fell off his hobbyhorse. (HE WINCES) Hurt my hand somewhere. Must see a dentist. Money?

(ZOE WHISPERS TO FLORRY. THEY GIGGLE. BLOOM RELEASES HIS HAND AND WRITES IDLY ON THE TABLE IN BACKHAND, PENCILLING SLOW CURVES.)

FLORRY: What?

(A HACKNEYCAR, NUMBER THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTYFOUR, WITH A GALLANTBUTTOCKED MARE, DRIVEN BY JAMES BARTON, HARMONY AVENUE, DONNYBROOK, TROTS PAST. BLAZES BOYLAN AND LENEHAN SPRAWL SWAYING ON THE SIDESEATS. THE ORMOND BOOTS CROUCHES BEHIND ON THE AXLE. SADLY OVER THE CROSSBLIND LYDIA DOUCE AND MINA KENNEDY GAZE.)

THE BOOTS: (JOGGING, MOCKS THEM WITH THUMB AND WRIGGLING WORMFINGERS) Haw haw have you the horn?

(bronze By Gold They Whisper.)

ZOE: (TO FLORRY) Whisper.

(THEY WHISPER AGAIN)

(OVER THE WELL OF THE CAR BLAZES BOYLAN LEANS, HIS BOATER STRAW SET SIDEWAYS, A RED FLOWER IN HIS MOUTH. LENEHAN IN YACHTSMAN’S CAP AND WHITE SHOES OFFICIOUSLY DETACHES A LONG HAIR FROM BLAZES BOYLAN’S COAT SHOULDER.)

LENEHAN: Ho! What do I here behold? Were you brushing the cobwebs off a few quims?

BOYLAN: (SEATED, SMILES) Plucking a turkey.

LENEHAN: A good night’s work.

BOYLAN: (HOLDING UP FOUR THICK BLUNTUNGULATED FINGERS, WINKS) Blazes Kate! Up to sample or your money back. (HE HOLDS OUT A FOREFINGER) Smell that.

LENEHAN: (SMELLS GLEEFULLY) Ah! Lobster and mayonnaise. Ah!

ZOE AND FLORRY: (LAUGH TOGETHER) Ha ha ha ha.

BOYLAN: (JUMPS SURELY FROM THE CAR AND CALLS LOUDLY FOR ALL TO HEAR) Hello, Bloom! Mrs Bloom dressed yet?

BLOOM: (IN FLUNKEY’S PRUNE PLUSH COAT AND KNEEBREECHES, BUFF STOCKINGS AND POWDERED WIG) I’m afraid not, sir. The last articles ...

BOYLAN: (TOSSES HIM SIXPENCE) Here, to buy yourself a gin and splash. (HE HANGS HIS HAT SMARTLY ON A PEG OF BLOOM’S ANTLERED HEAD) Show me in. I have a little private business with your wife, you understand?

BLOOM: Thank you, sir. Yes, sir. Madam Tweedy is in her bath, sir.

MARION: He ought to feel himself highly honoured. (SHE PLOPS SPLASHING OUT OF THE WATER) Raoul darling, come and dry me. I’m in my pelt. Only my new hat and a carriage sponge.

BOYLAN: (A MERRY TWINKLE IN HIS EYE) Topping!

BELLA: What? What is it?

(zoe Whispers to Her.)

MARION: Let him look, the pishogue! Pimp! And scourge himself! I’ll write to a powerful prostitute or Bartholomona, the bearded woman, to raise weals out on him an inch thick and make him bring me back a signed and stamped receipt.

BOYLAN: (clasps himself) Here, I can’t hold this little lot much longer. (he strides off on stiff cavalry legs)

BELLA: (LAUGHING) Ho ho ho ho.

BOYLAN: (TO BLOOM, OVER HIS SHOULDER) You can apply your eye to the keyhole and play with yourself while I just go through her a few times.

BLOOM: Thank you, sir. I will, sir. May I bring two men chums to witness the deed and take a snapshot? (HE HOLDS OUT AN OINTMENT JAR) Vaseline, sir? Orangeflower ...? Lukewarm water ...?

KITTY: (FROM THE SOFA) Tell us, Florry. Tell us. What.

(FLORRY WHISPERS TO HER. WHISPERING LOVEWORDS MURMUR, LIPLAPPING LOUDLY, POPPYSMIC PLOPSLOP.)

MINA KENNEDY: (HER EYES UPTURNED) O, it must be like the scent of geraniums and lovely peaches! O, he simply idolises every bit of her! Stuck together! Covered with kisses!

LYDIA DOUCE: (HER MOUTH OPENING) Yumyum. O, he’s carrying her round the room doing it! Ride a cockhorse. You could hear them in Paris and New York. Like mouthfuls of strawberries and cream.

KITTY: (LAUGHING) Hee hee hee.

BOYLAN’S VOICE: (SWEETLY, HOARSELY, IN THE PIT OF HIS STOMACH) Ah! Gooblazqruk brukarchkrasht!

MARION’S VOICE: (HOARSELY, SWEETLY, RISING TO HER THROAT) O! Weeshwashtkissinapooisthnapoohuck?

BLOOM: (HIS EYES WILDLY DILATED, CLASPS HIMSELF) Show! Hide! Show! Plough her! More! Shoot!

BELLA, ZOE, FLORRY, KITTY: Ho ho! Ha ha! Hee hee!

LYNCH: (POINTS) The mirror up to nature. (HE LAUGHS) Hu hu hu hu hu!

(STEPHEN AND BLOOM GAZE IN THE MIRROR. THE FACE OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, BEARDLESS, APPEARS THERE, RIGID IN FACIAL PARALYSIS, CROWNED BY THE REFLECTION OF THE REINDEER ANTLERED HATRACK IN THE HALL.)

SHAKESPEARE: (IN DIGNIFIED VENTRILOQUY) ’Tis the loud laugh bespeaks the vacant mind. (TO BLOOM) Thou thoughtest as how thou wastest invisible. Gaze. (HE CROWS WITH A BLACK CAPON’S LAUGH) Iagogo! How my Oldfellow chokit his Thursdaymornun. Iagogogo!

BLOOM: (SMILES YELLOWLY AT THE THREE WHORES) When will I hear the joke?

ZOE: Before you’re twice married and once a widower.

BLOOM: Lapses are condoned. Even the great Napoleon when measurements were taken next the skin after his death ...

(MRS DIGNAM, WIDOW WOMAN, HER SNUBNOSE AND CHEEKS FLUSHED WITH DEATHTALK, TEARS AND TUNNEY’S TAWNY SHERRY, HURRIES BY IN HER WEEDS, HER BONNET AWRY, ROUGING AND POWDERING HER CHEEKS, LIPS AND NOSE, A PEN CHIVVYING HER BROOD OF CYGNETS. BENEATH HER SKIRT APPEAR HER LATE HUSBAND’S EVERYDAY TROUSERS AND TURNEDUP BOOTS, LARGE EIGHTS. SHE HOLDS A SCOTTISH WIDOWS’ INSURANCE POLICY AND A LARGE MARQUEE UMBRELLA UNDER WHICH HER BROOD RUN WITH HER, PATSY HOPPING ON ONE SHOD FOOT, HIS COLLAR LOOSE, A HANK OF PORKSTEAKS DANGLING, FREDDY WHIMPERING, SUSY WITH A CRYING COD’S MOUTH, ALICE STRUGGLING WITH THE BABY. SHE CUFFS THEM ON, HER STREAMERS FLAUNTING ALOFT.)

FREDDY: Ah, ma, you’re dragging me along!

SUSY: Mamma, the beeftea is fizzing over!

SHAKESPEARE: (WITH PARALYTIC RAGE) Weda seca whokilla farst.

(THE FACE OF MARTIN CUNNINGHAM, BEARDED, REFEATURES SHAKESPEARE’S BEARDLESS FACE. THE MARQUEE UMBRELLA SWAYS DRUNKENLY, THE CHILDREN RUN ASIDE. UNDER THE UMBRELLA APPEARS MRS CUNNINGHAM IN MERRY WIDOW HAT AND KIMONO GOWN. SHE GLIDES SIDLING AND BOWING, TWIRLING JAPANESILY.)

Mrs Cunningham: (sings)

And they call me the jewel of Asia!

MARTIN CUNNINGHAM: (GAZES ON HER, IMPASSIVE) Immense! Most bloody awful demirep!

STEPHEN: ET EXALTABUNTUR CORNUA IUSTI. Queens lay with prize bulls. Remember Pasiphae for whose lust my grandoldgrossfather made the first confessionbox. Forget not Madam Grissel Steevens nor the suine scions of the house of Lambert. And Noah was drunk with wine. And his ark was open.

BELLA: None of that here. Come to the wrong shop.

LYNCH: Let him alone. He’s back from Paris.

ZOE: (RUNS TO STEPHEN AND LINKS HIM) O go on! Give us some parleyvoo.

(STEPHEN CLAPS HAT ON HEAD AND LEAPS OVER TO THE FIREPLACE WHERE HE STANDS WITH SHRUGGED SHOULDERS, FINNY HANDS OUTSPREAD, A PAINTED SMILE ON HIS FACE.)

LYNCH: (POMMELLING ON THE SOFA) Rmm Rmm Rmm Rrrrrrmmmm.

STEPHEN: (GABBLES WITH MARIONETTE JERKS) Thousand places of entertainment to expense your evenings with lovely ladies saling gloves and other things perhaps hers heart beerchops perfect fashionable house very eccentric where lots cocottes beautiful dressed much about princesses like are dancing cancan and walking there parisian clowneries extra foolish for bachelors foreigns the same if talking a poor english how much smart they are on things love and sensations voluptuous. Misters very selects for is pleasure must to visit heaven and hell show with mortuary candles and they tears silver which occur every night. Perfectly shocking terrific of religion’s things mockery seen in universal world. All chic womans which arrive full of modesty then disrobe and squeal loud to see vampire man debauch nun very fresh young with DESSOUS TROUBLANTS. (HE CLACKS HIS TONGUE LOUDLY) HO, LA LA! CE PIF QU’IL A!

Lynch: Vive Le Vampire!

THE WHORES: Bravo! Parleyvoo!

STEPHEN: (GRIMACING WITH HEAD BACK, LAUGHS LOUDLY, CLAPPING HIMSELF) Great success of laughing. Angels much prostitutes like and holy apostles big damn ruffians. DEMIMONDAINES nicely handsome sparkling of diamonds very amiable costumed. Or do you are fond better what belongs they moderns pleasure turpitude of old mans? (HE POINTS ABOUT HIM WITH GROTESQUE GESTURES WHICH LYNCH AND THE WHORES REPLY TO) Caoutchouc statue woman reversible or lifesize tompeeptom of virgins nudities very lesbic the kiss five ten times. Enter, gentleman, to see in mirror every positions trapezes all that machine there besides also if desire act awfully bestial butcher’s boy pollutes in warm veal liver or omlet on the belly PIECE DE SHAKESPEARE.

BELLA: (CLAPPING HER BELLY SINKS BACK ON THE SOFA, WITH A SHOUT OF LAUGHTER) An omelette on the ... Ho! ho! ho! ho! ... omelette on the ...

STEPHEN: (MINCINGLY) I love you, sir darling. Speak you englishman tongue for DOUBLE ENTENTE CORDIALE. O yes, MON LOUP. How much cost? Waterloo. Watercloset. (HE CEASES SUDDENLY AND HOLDS UP A FOREFINGER)

BELLA: (LAUGHING) Omelette ...

THE WHORES: (LAUGHING) Encore! Encore!

STEPHEN: Mark me. I dreamt of a watermelon.

ZOE: Go abroad and love a foreign lady.

LYNCH: Across the world for a wife.

FLORRY: Dreams goes by contraries.

STEPHEN: (EXTENDS HIS ARMS) It was here. Street of harlots. In Serpentine avenue Beelzebub showed me her, a fubsy widow. Where’s the red carpet spread?

BLOOM: (APPROACHING STEPHEN) Look ...

STEPHEN: No, I flew. My foes beneath me. And ever shall be. World without end. (HE CRIES) PATER! Free!

BLOOM: I say, look ...

STEPHEN: Break my spirit, will he? O MERDE ALORS! (HE CRIES, HIS VULTURE TALONS SHARPENED) Hola! Hillyho!

(simon Dedalus’ Voice Hilloes in Answer, Somewhat Sleepy But Ready.)

SIMON: That’s all right. (HE SWOOPS UNCERTAINLY THROUGH THE AIR, WHEELING, UTTERING CRIES OF HEARTENING, ON STRONG PONDEROUS BUZZARD WINGS) Ho, boy! Are you going to win? Hoop! Pschatt! Stable with those halfcastes. Wouldn’t let them within the bawl of an ass. Head up! Keep our flag flying! An eagle gules volant in a field argent displayed. Ulster king at arms! Haihoop! (HE MAKES THE BEAGLE’S CALL, GIVING TONGUE) Bulbul! Burblblburblbl! Hai, boy!

(THE FRONDS AND SPACES OF THE WALLPAPER FILE RAPIDLY ACROSS COUNTRY. A STOUT FOX, DRAWN FROM COVERT, BRUSH POINTED, HAVING BURIED HIS GRANDMOTHER, RUNS SWIFT FOR THE OPEN, BRIGHTEYED, SEEKING BADGER EARTH, UNDER THE LEAVES. THE PACK OF STAGHOUNDS FOLLOWS, NOSE TO THE GROUND, SNIFFING THEIR QUARRY, BEAGLEBAYING, BURBLBRBLING TO BE BLOODED. WARD UNION HUNTSMEN AND HUNTSWOMEN LIVE WITH THEM, HOT FOR A KILL. FROM SIX MILE POINT, FLATHOUSE, NINE MILE STONE FOLLOW THE FOOTPEOPLE WITH KNOTTY STICKS, HAYFORKS, SALMONGAFFS, LASSOS, FLOCKMASTERS WITH STOCKWHIPS, BEARBAITERS WITH TOMTOMS, TOREADORS WITH BULLSWORDS, GREYNEGROES WAVING TORCHES. THE CROWD BAWLS OF DICERS, CROWN AND ANCHOR PLAYERS, THIMBLERIGGERS, BROADSMEN. CROWS AND TOUTS, HOARSE BOOKIES IN HIGH WIZARD HATS CLAMOUR DEAFENINGLY.)

The Crowd:

    Card of the races. Racing card!
    Ten to one the field!
    Tommy on the clay here! Tommy on the clay!
    Ten to one bar one! Ten to one bar one!
    Try your luck on Spinning Jenny!
    Ten to one bar one!
    Sell the monkey, boys! Sell the monkey!
    I’ll give ten to one!
    Ten to one bar one!

(A DARK HORSE, RIDERLESS, BOLTS LIKE A PHANTOM PAST THE WINNINGPOST, HIS MANE MOONFOAMING, HIS EYEBALLS STARS. THE FIELD FOLLOWS, A BUNCH OF BUCKING MOUNTS. SKELETON HORSES, SCEPTRE, MAXIMUM THE SECOND, ZINFANDEL, THE DUKE OF WESTMINSTER’S SHOTOVER, REPULSE, THE DUKE OF BEAUFORT’S CEYLON, PRIX DE PARIS. DWARFS RIDE THEM, RUSTYARMOURED, LEAPING, LEAPING IN THEIR, IN THEIR SADDLES. LAST IN A DRIZZLE OF RAIN ON A BROKENWINDED ISABELLE NAG, COCK OF THE NORTH, THE FAVOURITE, HONEY CAP, GREEN JACKET, ORANGE SLEEVES, GARRETT DEASY UP, GRIPPING THE REINS, A HOCKEYSTICK AT THE READY. HIS NAG ON SPAVINED WHITEGAITERED FEET JOGS ALONG THE ROCKY ROAD.)

THE ORANGE LODGES: (JEERING) Get down and push, mister. Last lap! You’ll be home the night!

GARRETT DEASY: (BOLT UPRIGHT, HIS NAILSCRAPED FACE PLASTERED WITH POSTAGESTAMPS, BRANDISHES HIS HOCKEYSTICK, HIS BLUE EYES FLASHING IN THE PRISM OF THE CHANDELIER AS HIS MOUNT LOPES BY AT SCHOOLING GALLOP)

Per Vias Rectas!

(A YOKE OF BUCKETS LEOPARDS ALL OVER HIM AND HIS REARING NAG A TORRENT OF MUTTON BROTH WITH DANCING COINS OF CARROTS, BARLEY, ONIONS, TURNIPS, POTATOES.)

THE GREEN LODGES: Soft day, sir John! Soft day, your honour!

(PRIVATE CARR, PRIVATE COMPTON AND CISSY CAFFREY PASS BENEATH THE WINDOWS, SINGING IN DISCORD.)

STEPHEN: Hark! Our friend noise in the street.

ZOE: (HOLDS UP HER HAND) Stop!

Private Carr, Private Compton and Cissy Caffrey:

    Yet I’ve a sort a
    Yorkshire relish for ...

ZOE: That’s me. (SHE CLAPS HER HANDS) Dance! Dance! (SHE RUNS TO THE PIANOLA) Who has twopence?

BLOOM: Who’ll ...?

LYNCH: (HANDING HER COINS) Here.

STEPHEN: (CRACKING HIS FINGERS IMPATIENTLY) Quick! Quick! Where’s my augur’s rod? (HE RUNS TO THE PIANO AND TAKES HIS ASHPLANT, BEATING HIS FOOT IN TRIPUDIUM)

ZOE: (TURNS THE DRUMHANDLE) There.

(SHE DROPS TWO PENNIES IN THE SLOT. GOLD, PINK AND VIOLET LIGHTS START FORTH. THE DRUM TURNS PURRING IN LOW HESITATION WALTZ. PROFESSOR GOODWIN, IN A BOWKNOTTED PERIWIG, IN COURT DRESS, WEARING A STAINED INVERNESS CAPE, BENT IN TWO FROM INCREDIBLE AGE, TOTTERS ACROSS THE ROOM, HIS HANDS FLUTTERING. HE SITS TINILY ON THE PIANOSTOOL AND LIFTS AND BEATS HANDLESS STICKS OF ARMS ON THE KEYBOARD, NODDING WITH DAMSEL’S GRACE, HIS BOWKNOT BOBBING)

ZOE: (TWIRLS ROUND HERSELF, HEELTAPPING) Dance. Anybody here for there? Who’ll dance? Clear the table.

(THE PIANOLA WITH CHANGING LIGHTS PLAYS IN WALTZ TIME THE PRELUDE OF My Girl’s a Yorkshire Girl. STEPHEN THROWS HIS ASHPLANT ON THE TABLE AND SEIZES ZOE ROUND THE WAIST. FLORRY AND BELLA PUSH THE TABLE TOWARDS THE FIREPLACE. STEPHEN, ARMING ZOE WITH EXAGGERATED GRACE, BEGINS TO WALTZ HER ROUND THE ROOM. BLOOM STANDS ASIDE. HER SLEEVE FILLING FROM GRACING ARMS REVEALS A WHITE FLESHFLOWER OF VACCINATION. BETWEEN THE CURTAINS PROFESSOR MAGINNI INSERTS A LEG ON THE TOEPOINT OF WHICH SPINS A SILK HAT. WITH A DEFT KICK HE SENDS IT SPINNING TO HIS CROWN AND JAUNTYHATTED SKATES IN. HE WEARS A SLATE FROCKCOAT WITH CLARET SILK LAPELS, A GORGET OF CREAM TULLE, A GREEN LOWCUT WAISTCOAT, STOCK COLLAR WITH WHITE KERCHIEF, TIGHT LAVENDER TROUSERS, PATENT PUMPS AND CANARY GLOVES. IN HIS BUTTONHOLE IS AN IMMENSE DAHLIA. HE TWIRLS IN REVERSED DIRECTIONS A CLOUDED CANE, THEN WEDGES IT TIGHT IN HIS OXTER. HE PLACES A HAND LIGHTLY ON HIS BREASTBONE, BOWS, AND FONDLES HIS FLOWER AND BUTTONS.)

MAGINNI: The poetry of motion, art of calisthenics. No connection with Madam Legget Byrne’s or Levenston’s. Fancy dress balls arranged. Deportment. The Katty Lanner step. So. Watch me! My terpsichorean abilities. (HE MINUETS FORWARD THREE PACES ON TRIPPING BEE’S FEET) TOUT LE MONDE EN AVANT! REVERENCE! TOUT LE MONDE EN PLACE!

(THE PRELUDE CEASES. PROFESSOR GOODWIN, BEATING VAGUE ARMS SHRIVELS, SINKS, HIS LIVE CAPE FILLING ABOUT THE STOOL. THE AIR IN FIRMER WALTZ TIME SOUNDS. STEPHEN AND ZOE CIRCLE FREELY. THE LIGHTS CHANGE, GLOW, FIDE GOLD ROSY VIOLET.)

The Pianola:

    Two young fellows were talking about their girls, girls, girls,
    Sweethearts they’d left behind ...

(FROM A CORNER THE MORNING HOURS RUN OUT, GOLDHAIRED, SLIMSANDALLED, IN GIRLISH BLUE, WASPWAISTED, WITH INNOCENT HANDS. NIMBLY THEY DANCE, TWIRLING THEIR SKIPPING ROPES. THE HOURS OF NOON FOLLOW IN AMBER GOLD. LAUGHING, LINKED, HIGH HAIRCOMBS FLASHING, THEY CATCH THE SUN IN MOCKING MIRRORS, LIFTING THEIR ARMS.)

MAGINNI: (CLIPCLAPS GLOVESILENT HANDS) CARRE! AVANT DEUX! Breathe evenly! BALANCE!

(THE MORNING AND NOON HOURS WALTZ IN THEIR PLACES, TURNING, ADVANCING TO EACH OTHER, SHAPING THEIR CURVES, BOWING VISAVIS. CAVALIERS BEHIND THEM ARCH AND SUSPEND THEIR ARMS, WITH HANDS DESCENDING TO, TOUCHING, RISING FROM THEIR SHOULDERS.)

HOURS: You may touch my.

CAVALIERS: May I touch your?

HOURS: O, but lightly!

CAVALIERS: O, so lightly!

The Pianola:

My little shy little lass has a waist.

(ZOE AND STEPHEN TURN BOLDLY WITH LOOSER SWING. THE TWILIGHT HOURS ADVANCE FROM LONG LANDSHADOWS, DISPERSED, LAGGING, LANGUIDEYED, THEIR CHEEKS DELICATE WITH CIPRIA AND FALSE FAINT BLOOM. THEY ARE IN GREY GAUZE WITH DARK BAT SLEEVES THAT FLUTTER IN THE LAND BREEZE.)

Maginni: Avant Huit! Traverse! Salut! Cours De Mains! Croise!

(THE NIGHT HOURS, ONE BY ONE, STEAL TO THE LAST PLACE. MORNING, NOON AND TWILIGHT HOURS RETREAT BEFORE THEM. THEY ARE MASKED, WITH DAGGERED HAIR AND BRACELETS OF DULL BELLS. WEARY THEY CURCHYCURCHY UNDER VEILS.)

THE BRACELETS: Heigho! Heigho!

Zoe: (twirling, Her Hand to Her Brow) O!

MAGINNI: LES TIROIRS! CHAINE DE DAMES! LA CORBEILLE! DOS A DOS!

(ARABESQUING WEARILY THEY WEAVE A PATTERN ON THE FLOOR, WEAVING, UNWEAVING, CURTSEYING, TWIRLING, SIMPLY SWIRLING.)

ZOE: I’m giddy!

(SHE FREES HERSELF, DROOPS ON A CHAIR. STEPHEN SEIZES FLORRY AND TURNS WITH HER.)

Maginni: Boulangere! Les Ronds! Les Ponts! Chevaux De Bois! Escargots!

(TWINING, RECEDING, WITH INTERCHANGING HANDS THE NIGHT HOURS LINK EACH EACH WITH ARCHING ARMS IN A MOSAIC OF MOVEMENTS. STEPHEN AND FLORRY TURN CUMBROUSLY.)

MAGINNI: DANSEZ AVEC VOS DAMES! CHANGEZ DE DAMES! DONNEZ LE PETIT BOUQUET A VOTRE DAME! REMERCIEZ!

The Pianola:

    Best, best of all,
    Baraabum!

KITTY: (JUMPS UP) O, they played that on the hobbyhorses at the Mirus bazaar!

(SHE RUNS TO STEPHEN. HE LEAVES FLORRY BRUSQUELY AND SEIZES KITTY. A SCREAMING BITTERN’S HARSH HIGH WHISTLE SHRIEKS. GROANGROUSEGURGLING TOFT’S CUMBERSOME WHIRLIGIG TURNS SLOWLY THE ROOM RIGHT ROUNDABOUT THE ROOM.)

The Pianola:

My girl’s a Yorkshire girl.

ZOE:

Yorkshire through and through.

Come on all!

(SHE SEIZES FLORRY AND WALTZES HER.)

STEPHEN: PAS SEUL!

(HE WHEELS KITTY INTO LYNCH’S ARMS, SNATCHES UP HIS ASHPLANT FROM THE TABLE AND TAKES THE FLOOR. ALL WHEEL WHIRL WALTZ TWIRL. BLOOMBELLA KITTYLYNCH FLORRYZOE JUJUBY WOMEN. STEPHEN WITH HAT ASHPLANT FROGSPLITS IN MIDDLE HIGHKICKS WITH SKYKICKING MOUTH SHUT HAND CLASP PART UNDER THIGH. WITH CLANG TINKLE BOOMHAMMER TALLYHO HORNBLOWER BLUE GREEN YELLOW FLASHES TOFT’S CUMBERSOME TURNS WITH HOBBYHORSE RIDERS FROM GILDED SNAKES DANGLED, BOWELS FANDANGO LEAPING SPURN SOIL FOOT AND FALL AGAIN.)

The Pianola:

    Though she’s a factory lass
    And wears no fancy clothes.

(CLOSECLUTCHED SWIFT SWIFTER WITH GLAREBLAREFLARE SCUDDING THEY SCOOTLOOTSHOOT LUMBERING BY. BARAABUM!)

TUTTI: Encore! Bis! Bravo! Encore!

SIMON: Think of your mother’s people!

STEPHEN: Dance of death.

(BANG FRESH BARANG BANG OF LACQUEY’S BELL, HORSE, NAG, STEER, PIGLINGS, CONMEE ON CHRISTASS, LAME CRUTCH AND LEG SAILOR IN COCKBOAT ARMFOLDED ROPEPULLING HITCHING STAMP HORNPIPE THROUGH AND THROUGH. BARAABUM! ON NAGS HOGS BELLHORSES GADARENE SWINE CORNY IN COFFIN STEEL SHARK STONE ONEHANDLED NELSON TWO TRICKIES FRAUENZIMMER PLUMSTAINED FROM PRAM FILLING BAWLING GUM HE’S A CHAMPION. FUSEBLUE PEER FROM BARREL REV. EVENSONG LOVE ON HACKNEY JAUNT BLAZES BLIND CODDOUBLED BICYCLERS DILLY WITH SNOWCAKE NO FANCY CLOTHES. THEN IN LAST SWITCHBACK LUMBERING UP AND DOWN BUMP MASHTUB SORT OF VICEROY AND REINE RELISH FOR TUBLUMBER BUMPSHIRE ROSE. BARAABUM!)

(THE COUPLES FALL ASIDE. STEPHEN WHIRLS GIDDILY. ROOM WHIRLS BACK. EYES CLOSED HE TOTTERS. RED RAILS FLY SPACEWARDS. STARS ALL AROUND SUNS TURN ROUNDABOUT. BRIGHT MIDGES DANCE ON WALLS. HE STOPS DEAD.)

STEPHEN: Ho!

(STEPHEN’S MOTHER, EMACIATED, RISES STARK THROUGH THE FLOOR, IN LEPER GREY WITH A WREATH OF FADED ORANGEBLOSSOMS AND A TORN BRIDAL VEIL, HER FACE WORN AND NOSELESS, GREEN WITH GRAVEMOULD. HER HAIR IS SCANT AND LANK. SHE FIXES HER BLUECIRCLED HOLLOW EYESOCKETS ON STEPHEN AND OPENS HER TOOTHLESS MOUTH UTTERING A SILENT WORD. A CHOIR OF VIRGINS AND CONFESSORS SING VOICELESSLY.)

The Choir:

    Liliata rutilantium te confessorum ...
    Iubilantium te virginum ...

(FROM THE TOP OF A TOWER BUCK MULLIGAN, IN PARTICOLOURED JESTER’S DRESS OF PUCE AND YELLOW AND CLOWN’S CAP WITH CURLING BELL, STANDS GAPING AT HER, A SMOKING BUTTERED SPLIT SCONE IN HIS HAND.)

BUCK MULLIGAN: She’s beastly dead. The pity of it! Mulligan meets the afflicted mother. (HE UPTURNS HIS EYES) Mercurial Malachi!

THE MOTHER: (WITH THE SUBTLE SMILE OF DEATH’S MADNESS) I was once the beautiful May Goulding. I am dead.

STEPHEN: (HORRORSTRUCK) Lemur, who are you? No. What bogeyman’s trick is this?

BUCK MULLIGAN: (SHAKES HIS CURLING CAPBELL) The mockery of it! Kinch dogsbody killed her bitchbody. She kicked the bucket. (TEARS OF MOLTEN BUTTER FALL FROM HIS EYES ON TO THE SCONE) Our great sweet mother! EPI OINOPA PONTON.

THE MOTHER: (COMES NEARER, BREATHING UPON HIM SOFTLY HER BREATH OF WETTED ASHES) All must go through it, Stephen. More women than men in the world. You too. Time will come.

STEPHEN: (CHOKING WITH FRIGHT, REMORSE AND HORROR) They say I killed you, mother. He offended your memory. Cancer did it, not I. Destiny.

THE MOTHER: (A GREEN RILL OF BILE TRICKLING FROM A SIDE OF HER MOUTH) You sang that song to me. LOVE’S BITTER MYSTERY.

STEPHEN: (EAGERLY) Tell me the word, mother, if you know now. The word known to all men.

THE MOTHER: Who saved you the night you jumped into the train at Dalkey with Paddy Lee? Who had pity for you when you were sad among the strangers? Prayer is allpowerful. Prayer for the suffering souls in the Ursuline manual and forty days’ indulgence. Repent, Stephen.

STEPHEN: The ghoul! Hyena!

THE MOTHER: I pray for you in my other world. Get Dilly to make you that boiled rice every night after your brainwork. Years and years I loved you, O, my son, my firstborn, when you lay in my womb.

ZOE: (FANNING HERSELF WITH THE GRATE FAN) I’m melting!

FLORRY: (POINTS TO STEPHEN) Look! He’s white.

BLOOM: (GOES TO THE WINDOW TO OPEN IT MORE) Giddy.

THE MOTHER: (WITH SMOULDERING EYES) Repent! O, the fire of hell!

STEPHEN: (PANTING) His noncorrosive sublimate! The corpsechewer! Raw head and bloody bones.

THE MOTHER: (HER FACE DRAWING NEAR AND NEARER, SENDING OUT AN ASHEN BREATH) Beware! (SHE RAISES HER BLACKENED WITHERED RIGHT ARM SLOWLY TOWARDS STEPHEN’S BREAST WITH OUTSTRETCHED FINGER) Beware God’s hand! (A GREEN CRAB WITH MALIGNANT RED EYES STICKS DEEP ITS GRINNING CLAWS IN STEPHEN’S HEART.)

STEPHEN: (STRANGLED WITH RAGE) Shite! (HIS FEATURES GROW DRAWN GREY AND OLD)

BLOOM: (AT THE WINDOW) What?

STEPHEN: AH NON, PAR EXEMPLE! The intellectual imagination! With me all or not at all. NON SERVIAM!

FLORRY: Give him some cold water. Wait. (SHE RUSHES OUT)

THE MOTHER: (WRINGS HER HANDS SLOWLY, MOANING DESPERATELY) O Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on him! Save him from hell, O Divine Sacred Heart!

STEPHEN: No! No! No! Break my spirit, all of you, if you can! I’ll bring you all to heel!

THE MOTHER: (IN THE AGONY OF HER DEATHRATTLE) Have mercy on Stephen, Lord, for my sake! Inexpressible was my anguish when expiring with love, grief and agony on Mount Calvary.

Stephen: Nothung!

(HE LIFTS HIS ASHPLANT HIGH WITH BOTH HANDS AND SMASHES THE CHANDELIER. TIME’S LIVID FINAL FLAME LEAPS AND, IN THE FOLLOWING DARKNESS, RUIN OF ALL SPACE, SHATTERED GLASS AND TOPPLING MASONRY.)

THE GASJET: Pwfungg!

BLOOM: Stop!

LYNCH: (RUSHES FORWARD AND SEIZES STEPHEN’S HAND) Here! Hold on! Don’t run amok!

BELLA: Police!

(STEPHEN, ABANDONING HIS ASHPLANT, HIS HEAD AND ARMS THROWN BACK STARK, BEATS THE GROUND AND FLIES FROM THE ROOM, PAST THE WHORES AT THE DOOR.)

BELLA: (SCREAMS) After him!

(THE TWO WHORES RUSH TO THE HALLDOOR. LYNCH AND KITTY AND ZOE STAMPEDE FROM THE ROOM. THEY TALK EXCITEDLY. BLOOM FOLLOWS, RETURNS.)

THE WHORES: (JAMMED IN THE DOORWAY, POINTING) Down there.

ZOE: (POINTING) There. There’s something up.

BELLA: Who pays for the lamp? (SHE SEIZES BLOOM’S COATTAIL) Here, you were with him. The lamp’s broken.

BLOOM: (RUSHES TO THE HALL, RUSHES BACK) What lamp, woman?

A WHORE: He tore his coat.

BELLA: (HER EYES HARD WITH ANGER AND CUPIDITY, POINTS) Who’s to pay for that? Ten shillings. You’re a witness.

BLOOM: (SNATCHES UP STEPHEN’S ASHPLANT) Me? Ten shillings? Haven’t you lifted enough off him? Didn’t he ...?

BELLA: (LOUDLY) Here, none of your tall talk. This isn’t a brothel. A ten shilling house.

BLOOM: (HIS HEAD UNDER THE LAMP, PULLS THE CHAIN. PULING, THE GASJET LIGHTS UP A CRUSHED MAUVE PURPLE SHADE. HE RAISES THE ASHPLANT.) Only the chimney’s broken. Here is all he ...

BELLA: (SHRINKS BACK AND SCREAMS) Jesus! Don’t!

BLOOM: (WARDING OFF A BLOW) To show you how he hit the paper. There’s not sixpenceworth of damage done. Ten shillings!

FLORRY: (WITH A GLASS OF WATER, ENTERS) Where is he?

BELLA: Do you want me to call the police?

BLOOM: O, I know. Bulldog on the premises. But he’s a Trinity student. Patrons of your establishment. Gentlemen that pay the rent. (HE MAKES A MASONIC SIGN) Know what I mean? Nephew of the vice-chancellor. You don’t want a scandal.

BELLA: (ANGRILY) Trinity. Coming down here ragging after the boatraces and paying nothing. Are you my commander here or? Where is he? I’ll charge him! Disgrace him, I will! (SHE SHOUTS) Zoe! Zoe!

BLOOM: (URGENTLY) And if it were your own son in Oxford? (WARNINGLY) I know.

BELLA: (ALMOST SPEECHLESS) Who are. Incog!

ZOE: (IN THE DOORWAY) There’s a row on.

BLOOM: What? Where? (HE THROWS A SHILLING ON THE TABLE AND STARTS) That’s for the chimney. Where? I need mountain air.

(HE HURRIES OUT THROUGH THE HALL. THE WHORES POINT. FLORRY FOLLOWS, SPILLING WATER FROM HER TILTED TUMBLER. ON THE DOORSTEP ALL THE WHORES CLUSTERED TALK VOLUBLY, POINTING TO THE RIGHT WHERE THE FOG HAS CLEARED OFF. FROM THE LEFT ARRIVES A JINGLING HACKNEY CAR. IT SLOWS TO IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE. BLOOM AT THE HALLDOOR PERCEIVES CORNY KELLEHER WHO IS ABOUT TO DISMOUNT FROM THE CAR WITH TWO SILENT LECHERS. HE AVERTS HIS FACE. BELLA FROM WITHIN THE HALL URGES ON HER WHORES. THEY BLOW ICKYLICKYSTICKY YUMYUM KISSES. CORNY KELLEHER REPLIES WITH A GHASTLY LEWD SMILE. THE SILENT LECHERS TURN TO PAY THE JARVEY. ZOE AND KITTY STILL POINT RIGHT. BLOOM, PARTING THEM SWIFTLY, DRAWS HIS CALIPH’S HOOD AND PONCHO AND HURRIES DOWN THE STEPS WITH SIDEWAYS FACE. INCOG HAROUN AL RASCHID HE FLITS BEHIND THE SILENT LECHERS AND HASTENS ON BY THE RAILINGS WITH FLEET STEP OF A PARD STREWING THE DRAG BEHIND HIM, TORN ENVELOPES DRENCHED IN ANISEED. THE ASHPLANT MARKS HIS STRIDE. A PACK OF BLOODHOUNDS, LED BY HORNBLOWER OF TRINITY BRANDISHING A DOGWHIP IN TALLYHO CAP AND AN OLD PAIR OF GREY TROUSERS, FOLLOW FROM FIR, PICKING UP THE SCENT, NEARER, BAYING, PANTING, AT FAULT, BREAKING AWAY, THROWING THEIR TONGUES, BITING HIS HEELS, LEAPING AT HIS TAIL. HE WALKS, RUNS, ZIGZAGS, GALLOPS, LUGS LAID BACK. HE IS PELTED WITH GRAVEL, CABBAGESTUMPS, BISCUITBOXES, EGGS, POTATOES, DEAD CODFISH, WOMAN’S SLIPPERSLAPPERS. AFTER HIM FRESHFOUND THE HUE AND CRY ZIGZAG GALLOPS IN HOT PURSUIT OF FOLLOW MY LEADER: 65 C, 66 C, NIGHT WATCH, JOHN HENRY MENTON, WISDOM HELY, V. B. DILLON, COUNCILLOR NANNETTI, ALEXANDER KEYES, LARRY O’ROURKE, JOE CUFFE MRS O’DOWD, PISSER BURKE, THE NAMELESS ONE, MRS RIORDAN, THE CITIZEN, GARRYOWEN, WHODOYOUCALLHIM, STRANGEFACE, FELLOWTHATSOLIKE, SAWHIMBEFORE, CHAPWITHAWEN, CHRIS CALLINAN, SIR CHARLES CAMERON, BENJAMIN DOLLARD, LENEHAN, BARTELL D’ARCY, JOE HYNES, RED MURRAY, EDITOR BRAYDEN, T. M. HEALY, MR JUSTICE FITZGIBBON, JOHN HOWARD PARNELL, THE REVEREND TINNED SALMON, PROFESSOR JOLY, MRS BREEN, DENIS BREEN, THEODORE PUREFOY, MINA PUREFOY, THE WESTLAND ROW POSTMISTRESS, C. P. M’COY, FRIEND OF LYONS, HOPPY HOLOHAN, MANINTHESTREET, OTHERMANINTHESTREET, FOOTBALLBOOTS, PUGNOSED DRIVER, RICH PROTESTANT LADY, DAVY BYRNE, MRS ELLEN M’GUINNESS, MRS JOE GALLAHER, GEORGE LIDWELL, JIMMY HENRY ON CORNS, SUPERINTENDENT LARACY, FATHER COWLEY, CROFTON OUT OF THE COLLECTOR-GENERAL’S, DAN DAWSON, DENTAL SURGEON BLOOM WITH TWEEZERS, MRS BOB DORAN, MRS KENNEFICK, MRS WYSE NOLAN, JOHN WYSE NOLAN, HANDSOMEMARRIEDWOMANRUBBEDAGAINSTWIDEBEHINDINCLONSKEATRAM, THE BOOKSELLER OF Sweets Of Sin, MISS DUBEDATANDSHEDIDBEDAD, MESDAMES GERALD AND STANISLAUS MORAN OF ROEBUCK, THE MANAGING CLERK OF DRIMMIE’S, WETHERUP, COLONEL HAYES, MASTIANSKY, CITRON, PENROSE, AARON FIGATNER, MOSES HERZOG, MICHAEL E GERAGHTY, INSPECTOR TROY, MRS GALBRAITH, THE CONSTABLE OFF ECCLES STREET CORNER, OLD DOCTOR BRADY WITH STETHOSCOPE, THE MYSTERY MAN ON THE BEACH, A RETRIEVER, MRS MIRIAM DANDRADE AND ALL HER LOVERS.)

THE HUE AND CRY: (HELTERSKELTERPELTERWELTER) He’s Bloom! Stop Bloom! Stopabloom! Stopperrobber! Hi! Hi! Stophim on the corner!

(AT THE CORNER OF BEAVER STREET BENEATH THE SCAFFOLDING BLOOM PANTING STOPS ON THE FRINGE OF THE NOISY QUARRELLING KNOT, A LOT NOT KNOWING A JOT WHAT HI! HI! ROW AND WRANGLE ROUND THE WHOWHAT BRAWLALTOGETHER.)

STEPHEN: (WITH ELABORATE GESTURES, BREATHING DEEPLY AND SLOWLY) You are my guests. Uninvited. By virtue of the fifth of George and seventh of Edward. History to blame. Fabled by mothers of memory.

PRIVATE CARR: (TO CISSY CAFFREY) Was he insulting you?

STEPHEN: Addressed her in vocative feminine. Probably neuter. Ungenitive.

VOICES: No, he didn’t. I seen him. The girl there. He was in Mrs Cohen’s. What’s up? Soldier and civilian.

CISSY CAFFREY: I was in company with the soldiers and they left me to do–you know, and the young man run up behind me. But I’m faithful to the man that’s treating me though I’m only a shilling whore.

STEPHEN: (CATCHES SIGHT OF LYNCH’S AND KITTY’S HEADS) Hail, Sisyphus. (HE POINTS TO HIMSELF AND THE OTHERS) Poetic. Uropoetic.

VOICES: Shes faithfultheman.

CISSY CAFFREY: Yes, to go with him. And me with a soldier friend.

PRIVATE COMPTON: He doesn’t half want a thick ear, the blighter. Biff him one, Harry.

PRIVATE CARR: (TO CISSY) Was he insulting you while me and him was having a piss?

LORD TENNYSON: (GENTLEMAN POET IN UNION JACK BLAZER AND CRICKET FLANNELS, BAREHEADED, FLOWINGBEARDED) Theirs not to reason why.

PRIVATE COMPTON: Biff him, Harry.

STEPHEN: (TO PRIVATE COMPTON) I don’t know your name but you are quite right. Doctor Swift says one man in armour will beat ten men in their shirts. Shirt is synechdoche. Part for the whole.

CISSY CAFFREY: (TO THE CROWD) No, I was with the privates.

STEPHEN: (AMIABLY) Why not? The bold soldier boy. In my opinion every lady for example ...

PRIVATE CARR: (HIS CAP AWRY, ADVANCES TO STEPHEN) Say, how would it be, governor, if I was to bash in your jaw?

STEPHEN: (LOOKS UP TO THE SKY) How? Very unpleasant. Noble art of selfpretence. Personally, I detest action. (HE WAVES HIS HAND) Hand hurts me slightly. ENFIN CE SONT VOS OIGNONS. (TO CISSY CAFFREY) Some trouble is on here. What is it precisely?

DOLLY GRAY: (FROM HER BALCONY WAVES HER HANDKERCHIEF, GIVING THE SIGN OF THE HEROINE OF JERICHO) Rahab. Cook’s son, goodbye. Safe home to Dolly. Dream of the girl you left behind and she will dream of you.

(the Soldiers Turn Their Swimming Eyes.)

BLOOM: (ELBOWING THROUGH THE CROWD, PLUCKS STEPHEN’S SLEEVE VIGOROUSLY) Come now, professor, that carman is waiting.

STEPHEN: (TURNS) Eh? (HE DISENGAGES HIMSELF) Why should I not speak to him or to any human being who walks upright upon this oblate orange? (HE POINTS HIS FINGER) I’m not afraid of what I can talk to if I see his eye. Retaining the perpendicular.

(he Staggers a Pace Back)

BLOOM: (PROPPING HIM) Retain your own.

STEPHEN: (LAUGHS EMPTILY) My centre of gravity is displaced. I have forgotten the trick. Let us sit down somewhere and discuss. Struggle for life is the law of existence but but human philirenists, notably the tsar and the king of England, have invented arbitration. (HE TAPS HIS BROW) But in here it is I must kill the priest and the king.

BIDDY THE CLAP: Did you hear what the professor said? He’s a professor out of the college.

CUNTY KATE: I did. I heard that.

BIDDY THE CLAP: He expresses himself with such marked refinement of phraseology.

CUNTY KATE: Indeed, yes. And at the same time with such apposite trenchancy.

PRIVATE CARR: (PULLS HIMSELF FREE AND COMES FORWARD) What’s that you’re saying about my king?

(EDWARD THE SEVENTH APPEARS IN AN ARCHWAY. HE WARS A WHITE JERSEY ON WHICH AN IMAGE OF THE SACRED HEART IS STITCHED WITH THE INSIGNIA OF GARTER AND THISTLE, GOLDEN FLEECE, ELEPHANT OF DENMARK, SKINNER’S AND PROBYN’S HORSE, LINCOLN’S INN BENCHER AND ANCIENT AND HONOURABLE ARTILLERY COMPANY OF MASSACHUSETTS. HE SUCKS A RED JUJUBE. HE IS ROBED AS A GRAND ELECT PERFECT AND SUBLIME MASON WITH TROWEL AND APRON, MARKED made in Germany. IN HIS LEFT HAND HE HOLDS A PLASTERER’S BUCKET ON WHICH IS PRINTED Defense d’uriner. A ROAR OF WELCOME GREETS HIM.)

EDWARD THE SEVENTH: (SLOWLY, SOLEMNLY BUT INDISTINCTLY) Peace, perfect peace. For identification, bucket in my hand. Cheerio, boys. (HE TURNS TO HIS SUBJECTS) We have come here to witness a clean straight fight and we heartily wish both men the best of good luck. Mahak makar a bak.

(HE SHAKES HANDS WITH PRIVATE CARR, PRIVATE COMPTON, STEPHEN, BLOOM AND LYNCH. GENERAL APPLAUSE. EDWARD THE SEVENTH LIFTS HIS BUCKET GRACIOUSLY IN ACKNOWLEDGMENT.)

PRIVATE CARR: (TO STEPHEN) Say it again.

STEPHEN: (NERVOUS, FRIENDLY, PULLS HIMSELF UP) I understand your point of view though I have no king myself for the moment. This is the age of patent medicines. A discussion is difficult down here. But this is the point. You die for your country. Suppose. (HE PLACES HIS ARM ON PRIVATE CARR’S SLEEVE) Not that I wish it for you. But I say: Let my country die for me. Up to the present it has done so. I didn’t want it to die. Damn death. Long live life!

EDWARD THE SEVENTH: (LEVITATES OVER HEAPS OF SLAIN, IN THE GARB AND WITH THE HALO OF JOKING JESUS, A WHITE JUJUBE IN HIS PHOSPHORESCENT FACE)

    My methods are new and are causing surprise.
    To make the blind see I throw dust in their eyes.

STEPHEN: Kings and unicorns! (HE FILLS BACK A PACE) Come somewhere and we’ll ... What was that girl saying? ...

PRIVATE COMPTON: Eh, Harry, give him a kick in the knackers. Stick one into Jerry.

BLOOM: (TO THE PRIVATES, SOFTLY) He doesn’t know what he’s saying. Taken a little more than is good for him. Absinthe. Greeneyed monster. I know him. He’s a gentleman, a poet. It’s all right.

STEPHEN: (NODS, SMILING AND LAUGHING) Gentleman, patriot, scholar and judge of impostors.

PRIVATE CARR: I don’t give a bugger who he is.

PRIVATE COMPTON: We don’t give a bugger who he is.

STEPHEN: I seem to annoy them. Green rag to a bull.

(KEVIN EGAN OF PARIS IN BLACK SPANISH TASSELLED SHIRT AND PEEP-O’-DAY BOY’S HAT SIGNS TO STEPHEN.)

KEVIN EGAN: H’lo! BONJOUR! The VIEILLE OGRESSE with the DENTS JAUNES.

(patrice Egan Peeps From Behind, His Rabbitface Nibbling a Quince Leaf.)

PATRICE: SOCIALISTE!

DON EMILE PATRIZIO FRANZ RUPERT POPE HENNESSY: (IN MEDIEVAL HAUBERK, TWO WILD GEESE VOLANT ON HIS HELM, WITH NOBLE INDIGNATION POINTS A MAILED HAND AGAINST THE PRIVATES) Werf those eykes to footboden, big grand porcos of johnyellows todos covered of gravy!

BLOOM: (TO STEPHEN) Come home. You’ll get into trouble.

STEPHEN: (SWAYING) I don’t avoid it. He provokes my intelligence.

BIDDY THE CLAP: One immediately observes that he is of patrician lineage.

THE VIRAGO: Green above the red, says he. Wolfe Tone.

THE BAWD: The red’s as good as the green. And better. Up the soldiers! Up King Edward!

A ROUGH: (LAUGHS) Ay! Hands up to De Wet.

The Citizen: (with a Huge Emerald Muffler and Shillelagh, Calls)

    May the God above
    Send down a dove
    With teeth as sharp as razors
    To slit the throats
    Of the English dogs
    That hanged our Irish leaders.

THE CROPPY BOY: (THE ROPENOOSE ROUND HIS NECK, GRIPES IN HIS ISSUING BOWELS WITH BOTH HANDS)

    I bear no hate to a living thing,
    But I love my country beyond the king.

RUMBOLD, DEMON BARBER: (ACCOMPANIED BY TWO BLACKMASKED ASSISTANTS, ADVANCES WITH GLADSTONE BAG WHICH HE OPENS) Ladies and gents, cleaver purchased by Mrs Pearcy to slay Mogg. Knife with which Voisin dismembered the wife of a compatriot and hid remains in a sheet in the cellar, the unfortunate female’s throat being cut from ear to ear. Phial containing arsenic retrieved from body of Miss Barron which sent Seddon to the gallows.

(HE JERKS THE ROPE. THE ASSISTANTS LEAP AT THE VICTIM’S LEGS AND DRAG HIM DOWNWARD, GRUNTING THE CROPPY BOY’S TONGUE PROTRUDES VIOLENTLY.)

The Croppy Boy:

Horhot ho hray hor hother’s hest.

(HE GIVES UP THE GHOST. A VIOLENT ERECTION OF THE HANGED SENDS GOUTS OF SPERM SPOUTING THROUGH HIS DEATHCLOTHES ON TO THE COBBLESTONES. MRS BELLINGHAM, MRS YELVERTON BARRY AND THE HONOURABLE MRS MERVYN TALBOYS RUSH FORWARD WITH THEIR HANDKERCHIEFS TO SOP IT UP.)

RUMBOLD: I’m near it myself. (HE UNDOES THE NOOSE) Rope which hanged the awful rebel. Ten shillings a time. As applied to Her Royal Highness. (HE PLUNGES HIS HEAD INTO THE GAPING BELLY OF THE HANGED AND DRAWS OUT HIS HEAD AGAIN CLOTTED WITH COILED AND SMOKING ENTRAILS) My painful duty has now been done. God save the king!

EDWARD THE SEVENTH: (DANCES SLOWLY, SOLEMNLY, RATTLING HIS BUCKET, AND SINGS WITH SOFT CONTENTMENT)

    On coronation day, on coronation day,
    O, won’t we have a merry time,
    Drinking whisky, beer and wine!

PRIVATE CARR: Here. What are you saying about my king?

STEPHEN: (THROWS UP HIS HANDS) O, this is too monotonous! Nothing. He wants my money and my life, though want must be his master, for some brutish empire of his. Money I haven’t. (HE SEARCHES HIS POCKETS VAGUELY) GAVE IT TO SOMEONE.

PRIVATE CARR: Who wants your bleeding money?

STEPHEN: (TRIES TO MOVE OFF) Will someone tell me where I am least likely to meet these necessary evils? CA SE VOIT AUSSI A PARIS. Not that I ... But, by Saint Patrick ...!

(THE WOMEN’S HEADS COALESCE. OLD GUMMY GRANNY IN SUGARLOAF HAT APPEARS SEATED ON A TOADSTOOL, THE DEATHFLOWER OF THE POTATO BLIGHT ON HER BREAST.)

STEPHEN: Aha! I know you, gammer! Hamlet, revenge! The old sow that eats her farrow!

OLD GUMMY GRANNY: (ROCKING TO AND FRO) Ireland’s sweetheart, the king of Spain’s daughter, alanna. Strangers in my house, bad manners to them! (SHE KEENS WITH BANSHEE WOE) Ochone! Ochone! Silk of the kine! (SHE WAILS) You met with poor old Ireland and how does she stand?

STEPHEN: How do I stand you? The hat trick! Where’s the third person of the Blessed Trinity? Soggarth Aroon? The reverend Carrion Crow.

CISSY CAFFREY: (SHRILL) Stop them from fighting!

A ROUGH: Our men retreated.

PRIVATE CARR: (TUGGING AT HIS BELT) I’ll wring the neck of any fucker says a word against my fucking king.

BLOOM: (TERRIFIED) He said nothing. Not a word. A pure misunderstanding.

The Citizen: Erin Go Bragh!

(MAJOR TWEEDY AND THE CITIZEN EXHIBIT TO EACH OTHER MEDALS, DECORATIONS, TROPHIES OF WAR, WOUNDS. BOTH SALUTE WITH FIERCE HOSTILITY.)

PRIVATE COMPTON: Go it, Harry. Do him one in the eye. He’s a proboer.

STEPHEN: Did I? When?

BLOOM: (TO THE REDCOATS) We fought for you in South Africa, Irish missile troops. Isn’t that history? Royal Dublin Fusiliers. Honoured by our monarch.

THE NAVVY: (STAGGERING PAST) O, yes! O God, yes! O, make the kwawr a krowawr! O! Bo!

(CASQUED HALBERDIERS IN ARMOUR THRUST FORWARD A PENTICE OF GUTTED SPEARPOINTS. MAJOR TWEEDY, MOUSTACHED LIKE TURKO THE TERRIBLE, IN BEARSKIN CAP WITH HACKLEPLUME AND ACCOUTREMENTS, WITH EPAULETTES, GILT CHEVRONS AND SABRETACHES, HIS BREAST BRIGHT WITH MEDALS, TOES THE LINE. HE GIVES THE PILGRIM WARRIOR’S SIGN OF THE KNIGHTS TEMPLARS.)

MAJOR TWEEDY: (GROWLS GRUFFLY) Rorke’s Drift! Up, guards, and at them! Mahar shalal hashbaz.

PRIVATE CARR: I’ll do him in.

PRIVATE COMPTON: (WAVES THE CROWD BACK) Fair play, here. Make a bleeding butcher’s shop of the bugger.

(MASSED BANDS BLARE Garryowen AND God save the king.)

CISSY CAFFREY: They’re going to fight. For me!

CUNTY KATE: The brave and the fair.

BIDDY THE CLAP: Methinks yon sable knight will joust it with the best.

CUNTY KATE: (BLUSHING DEEPLY) Nay, madam. The gules doublet and merry saint George for me!

Stephen:

    The harlot’s cry from street to street
    Shall weave Old Ireland’s windingsheet.

PRIVATE CARR: (LOOSENING HIS BELT, SHOUTS) I’ll wring the neck of any fucking bastard says a word against my bleeding fucking king.

BLOOM: (SHAKES CISSY CAFFREY’S SHOULDERS) Speak, you! Are you struck dumb? You are the link between nations and generations. Speak, woman, sacred lifegiver!

CISSY CAFFREY: (ALARMED, SEIZES PRIVATE CARR’S SLEEVE) Amn’t I with you? Amn’t I your girl? Cissy’s your girl. (SHE CRIES) Police!

Stephen: (ecstatically, to Cissy Caffrey)

    White thy fambles, red thy gan
    And thy quarrons dainty is.

VOICES: Police!

DISTANT VOICES: Dublin’s burning! Dublin’s burning! On fire, on fire!

(BRIMSTONE FIRES SPRING UP. DENSE CLOUDS ROLL PAST. HEAVY GATLING GUNS BOOM. PANDEMONIUM. TROOPS DEPLOY. GALLOP OF HOOFS. ARTILLERY. HOARSE COMMANDS. BELLS CLANG. BACKERS SHOUT. DRUNKARDS BAWL. WHORES SCREECH. FOGHORNS HOOT. CRIES OF VALOUR. SHRIEKS OF DYING. PIKES CLASH ON CUIRASSES. THIEVES ROB THE SLAIN. BIRDS OF PREY, WINGING FROM THE SEA, RISING FROM MARSHLANDS, SWOOPING FROM EYRIES, HOVER SCREAMING, GANNETS, CORMORANTS, VULTURES, GOSHAWKS, CLIMBING WOODCOCKS, PEREGRINES, MERLINS, BLACKGROUSE, SEA EAGLES, GULLS, ALBATROSSES, BARNACLE GEESE. THE MIDNIGHT SUN IS DARKENED. THE EARTH TREMBLES. THE DEAD OF DUBLIN FROM PROSPECT AND MOUNT JEROME IN WHITE SHEEPSKIN OVERCOATS AND BLACK GOATFELL CLOAKS ARISE AND APPEAR TO MANY. A CHASM OPENS WITH A NOISELESS YAWN. TOM ROCHFORD, WINNER, IN ATHLETE’S SINGLET AND BREECHES, ARRIVES AT THE HEAD OF THE NATIONAL HURDLE HANDICAP AND LEAPS INTO THE VOID. HE IS FOLLOWED BY A RACE OF RUNNERS AND LEAPERS. IN WILD ATTITUDES THEY SPRING FROM THE BRINK. THEIR BODIES PLUNGE. FACTORY LASSES WITH FANCY CLOTHES TOSS REDHOT YORKSHIRE BARAABOMBS. SOCIETY LADIES LIFT THEIR SKIRTS ABOVE THEIR HEADS TO PROTECT THEMSELVES. LAUGHING WITCHES IN RED CUTTY SARKS RIDE THROUGH THE AIR ON BROOMSTICKS. QUAKERLYSTER PLASTERS BLISTERS. IT RAINS DRAGONS’ TEETH. ARMED HEROES SPRING UP FROM FURROWS. THEY EXCHANGE IN AMITY THE PASS OF KNIGHTS OF THE RED CROSS AND FIGHT DUELS WITH CAVALRY SABRES: WOLFE TONE AGAINST HENRY GRATTAN, SMITH O’BRIEN AGAINST DANIEL O’CONNELL, MICHAEL DAVITT AGAINST ISAAC BUTT, JUSTIN M’CARTHY AGAINST PARNELL, ARTHUR GRIFFITH AGAINST JOHN REDMOND, JOHN O’LEARY AGAINST LEAR O’JOHNNY, LORD EDWARD FITZGERALD AGAINST LORD GERALD FITZEDWARD, THE O’DONOGHUE OF THE GLENS AGAINST THE GLENS OF THE O’DONOGHUE. ON AN EMINENCE, THE CENTRE OF THE EARTH, RISES THE FELDALTAR OF SAINT BARBARA. BLACK CANDLES RISE FROM ITS GOSPEL AND EPISTLE HORNS. FROM THE HIGH BARBACANS OF THE TOWER TWO SHAFTS OF LIGHT FALL ON THE SMOKEPALLED ALTARSTONE. ON THE ALTARSTONE MRS MINA PUREFOY, GODDESS OF UNREASON, LIES, NAKED, FETTERED, A CHALICE RESTING ON HER SWOLLEN BELLY. FATHER MALACHI O’FLYNN IN A LACE PETTICOAT AND REVERSED CHASUBLE, HIS TWO LEFT FEET BACK TO THE FRONT, CELEBRATES CAMP MASS. THE REVEREND MR HUGH C HAINES LOVE M. A. IN A PLAIN CASSOCK AND MORTARBOARD, HIS HEAD AND COLLAR BACK TO THE FRONT, HOLDS OVER THE CELEBRANT’S HEAD AN OPEN UMBRELLA.)

Father Malachi O’flynn: Introibo Ad Altare Diaboli.

THE REVEREND MR HAINES LOVE: To the devil which hath made glad my young days.

FATHER MALACHI O’FLYNN: (TAKES FROM THE CHALICE AND ELEVATES A BLOODDRIPPING HOST) CORPUS MEUM.

THE REVEREND MR HAINES LOVE: (RAISES HIGH BEHIND THE CELEBRANT’S PETTICOAT, REVEALING HIS GREY BARE HAIRY BUTTOCKS BETWEEN WHICH A CARROT IS STUCK) My body.

THE VOICE OF ALL THE DAMNED: Htengier Tnetopinmo Dog Drol eht rof, Aiulella!

(from On High the Voice of Adonai Calls.)

ADONAI: Dooooooooooog!

THE VOICE OF ALL THE BLESSED: Alleluia, for the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth!

(from On High the Voice of Adonai Calls.)

ADONAI: Goooooooooood!

(IN STRIDENT DISCORD PEASANTS AND TOWNSMEN OF ORANGE AND GREEN FACTIONS SING Kick the Pope AND Daily, daily sing to Mary.)

PRIVATE CARR: (WITH FEROCIOUS ARTICULATION) I’ll do him in, so help me fucking Christ! I’ll wring the bastard fucker’s bleeding blasted fucking windpipe!

OLD GUMMY GRANNY: (THRUSTS A DAGGER TOWARDS STEPHEN’S HAND) Remove him, acushla. At 8.35 a.m. you will be in heaven and Ireland will be free. (SHE PRAYS) O good God, take him!

(the Retriever, Nosing On the Fringe of the Crowd, Barks Noisily.)

BLOOM: (RUNS TO LYNCH) Can’t you get him away?

LYNCH: He likes dialectic, the universal language. Kitty! (TO BLOOM) Get him away, you. He won’t listen to me.

(he Drags Kitty Away.)

STEPHEN: (POINTS) EXIT JUDAS. ET LAQUEO SE SUSPENDIT.

BLOOM: (RUNS TO STEPHEN) Come along with me now before worse happens. Here’s your stick.

STEPHEN: Stick, no. Reason. This feast of pure reason.

CISSY CAFFREY: (PULLING PRIVATE CARR) Come on, you’re boosed. He insulted me but I forgive him. (SHOUTING IN HIS EAR) I forgive him for insulting me.

BLOOM: (OVER STEPHEN’S SHOULDER) Yes, go. You see he’s incapable.

PRIVATE CARR: (BREAKS LOOSE) I’ll insult him.

(HE RUSHES TOWARDS STEPHEN, FIST OUTSTRETCHED, AND STRIKES HIM IN THE FACE. STEPHEN TOTTERS, COLLAPSES, FALLS, STUNNED. HE LIES PRONE, HIS FACE TO THE SKY, HIS HAT ROLLING TO THE WALL. BLOOM FOLLOWS AND PICKS IT UP.)

MAJOR TWEEDY: (LOUDLY) Carbine in bucket! Cease fire! Salute!

THE RETRIEVER: (BARKING FURIOUSLY) Ute ute ute ute ute ute ute ute.

THE CROWD: Let him up! Don’t strike him when he’s down! Air! Who? The soldier hit him. He’s a professor. Is he hurted? Don’t manhandle him! He’s fainted!

A HAG: What call had the redcoat to strike the gentleman and he under the influence. Let them go and fight the Boers!

THE BAWD: Listen to who’s talking! Hasn’t the soldier a right to go with his girl? He gave him the coward’s blow.

(they Grab At Each Other’s Hair, Claw At Each Other and Spit)

THE RETRIEVER: (BARKING) Wow wow wow.

BLOOM: (SHOVES THEM BACK, LOUDLY) Get back, stand back!

PRIVATE COMPTON: (TUGGING HIS COMRADE) Here. Bugger off, Harry. Here’s the cops!

(two Raincaped Watch, Tall, Stand in the Group.)

FIRST WATCH: What’s wrong here?

PRIVATE COMPTON: We were with this lady. And he insulted us. And assaulted my chum. (THE RETRIEVER BARKS) Who owns the bleeding tyke?

CISSY CAFFREY: (WITH EXPECTATION) Is he bleeding!

A MAN: (RISING FROM HIS KNEES) No. Gone off. He’ll come to all right.

BLOOM: (GLANCES SHARPLY AT THE MAN) Leave him to me. I can easily ...

SECOND WATCH: Who are you? Do you know him?

PRIVATE CARR: (LURCHES TOWARDS THE WATCH) He insulted my lady friend.

BLOOM: (ANGRILY) You hit him without provocation. I’m a witness. Constable, take his regimental number.

SECOND WATCH: I don’t want your instructions in the discharge of my duty.

PRIVATE COMPTON: (PULLING HIS COMRADE) Here, bugger off Harry. Or Bennett’ll shove you in the lockup.

PRIVATE CARR: (STAGGERING AS HE IS PULLED AWAY) God fuck old Bennett. He’s a whitearsed bugger. I don’t give a shit for him.

FIRST WATCH: (TAKES OUT HIS NOTEBOOK) What’s his name?

BLOOM: (PEERING OVER THE CROWD) I just see a car there. If you give me a hand a second, sergeant ...

FIRST WATCH: Name and address.

(CORNY KELLEKER, WEEPERS ROUND HIS HAT, A DEATH WREATH IN HIS HAND, APPEARS AMONG THE BYSTANDERS.)

BLOOM: (QUICKLY) O, the very man! (HE WHISPERS) Simon Dedalus’ son. A bit sprung. Get those policemen to move those loafers back.

SECOND WATCH: Night, Mr Kelleher.

CORNY KELLEHER: (TO THE WATCH, WITH DRAWLING EYE) That’s all right. I know him. Won a bit on the races. Gold cup. Throwaway. (HE LAUGHS) Twenty to one. Do you follow me?

FIRST WATCH: (TURNS TO THE CROWD) Here, what are you all gaping at? Move on out of that.

(the Crowd Disperses Slowly, Muttering, Down the Lane.)

CORNY KELLEHER: Leave it to me, sergeant. That’ll be all right. (HE LAUGHS, SHAKING HIS HEAD) We were often as bad ourselves, ay or worse. What? Eh, what?

FIRST WATCH: (LAUGHS) I suppose so.

CORNY KELLEHER: (NUDGES THE SECOND WATCH) Come and wipe your name off the slate. (HE LILTS, WAGGING HIS HEAD) With my tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom. What, eh, do you follow me?

SECOND WATCH: (GENIALLY) Ah, sure we were too.

CORNY KELLEHER: (WINKING) Boys will be boys. I’ve a car round there.

SECOND WATCH: All right, Mr Kelleher. Good night.

CORNY KELLEHER: I’ll see to that.

BLOOM: (SHAKES HANDS WITH BOTH OF THE WATCH IN TURN) Thank you very much, gentlemen. Thank you. (HE MUMBLES CONFIDENTIALLY) We don’t want any scandal, you understand. Father is a wellknown highly respected citizen. Just a little wild oats, you understand.

FIRST WATCH: O. I understand, sir.

SECOND WATCH: That’s all right, sir.

FIRST WATCH: It was only in case of corporal injuries I’d have to report it at the station.

BLOOM: (NODS RAPIDLY) Naturally. Quite right. Only your bounden duty.

SECOND WATCH: It’s our duty.

CORNY KELLEHER: Good night, men.

THE WATCH: (SALUTING TOGETHER) Night, gentlemen. (THEY MOVE OFF WITH SLOW HEAVY TREAD)

BLOOM: (BLOWS) Providential you came on the scene. You have a car? ...

CORNY KELLEHER: (LAUGHS, POINTING HIS THUMB OVER HIS RIGHT SHOULDER TO THE CAR BROUGHT UP AGAINST THE SCAFFOLDING) Two commercials that were standing fizz in Jammet’s. Like princes, faith. One of them lost two quid on the race. Drowning his grief. And were on for a go with the jolly girls. So I landed them up on Behan’s car and down to nighttown.

BLOOM: I was just going home by Gardiner street when I happened to ...

CORNY KELLEHER: (LAUGHS) Sure they wanted me to join in with the mots. No, by God, says I. Not for old stagers like myself and yourself. (HE LAUGHS AGAIN AND LEERS WITH LACKLUSTRE EYE) Thanks be to God we have it in the house, what, eh, do you follow me? Hah, hah, hah!

BLOOM: (TRIES TO LAUGH) He, he, he! Yes. Matter of fact I was just visiting an old friend of mine there, Virag, you don’t know him (poor fellow, he’s laid up for the past week) and we had a liquor together and I was just making my way home ...

(the Horse Neighs.)

THE HORSE: Hohohohohohoh! Hohohohome!

CORNY KELLEHER: Sure it was Behan our jarvey there that told me after we left the two commercials in Mrs Cohen’s and I told him to pull up and got off to see. (HE LAUGHS) Sober hearsedrivers a speciality. Will I give him a lift home? Where does he hang out? Somewhere in Cabra, what?

BLOOM: No, in Sandycove, I believe, from what he let drop.

(STEPHEN, PRONE, BREATHES TO THE STARS. CORNY KELLEHER, ASQUINT, DRAWLS AT THE HORSE. BLOOM, IN GLOOM, LOOMS DOWN.)

CORNY KELLEHER: (SCRATCHES HIS NAPE) Sandycove! (HE BENDS DOWN AND CALLS TO STEPHEN) Eh! (HE CALLS AGAIN) Eh! He’s covered with shavings anyhow. Take care they didn’t lift anything off him.

BLOOM: No, no, no. I have his money and his hat here and stick.

CORNY KELLEHER: Ah, well, he’ll get over it. No bones broken. Well, I’ll shove along. (HE LAUGHS) I’ve a rendezvous in the morning. Burying the dead. Safe home!

THE HORSE: (NEIGHS) Hohohohohome.

BLOOM: Good night. I’ll just wait and take him along in a few ...

(CORNY KELLEHER RETURNS TO THE OUTSIDE CAR AND MOUNTS IT. THE HORSE HARNESS JINGLES.)

CORNY KELLEHER: (FROM THE CAR, STANDING) Night.

BLOOM: Night.

(THE JARVEY CHUCKS THE REINS AND RAISES HIS WHIP ENCOURAGINGLY. THE CAR AND HORSE BACK SLOWLY, AWKWARDLY, AND TURN. CORNY KELLEHER ON THE SIDESEAT SWAYS HIS HEAD TO AND FRO IN SIGN OF MIRTH AT BLOOM’S PLIGHT. THE JARVEY JOINS IN THE MUTE PANTOMIMIC MERRIMENT NODDING FROM THE FARTHER SEAT. BLOOM SHAKES HIS HEAD IN MUTE MIRTHFUL REPLY. WITH THUMB AND PALM CORNY KELLEHER REASSURES THAT THE TWO BOBBIES WILL ALLOW THE SLEEP TO CONTINUE FOR WHAT ELSE IS TO BE DONE. WITH A SLOW NOD BLOOM CONVEYS HIS GRATITUDE AS THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT STEPHEN NEEDS. THE CAR JINGLES TOORALOOM ROUND THE CORNER OF THE TOORALOOM LANE. CORNY KELLEHER AGAIN REASSURALOOMS WITH HIS HAND. BLOOM WITH HIS HAND ASSURALOOMS CORNY KELLEHER THAT HE IS REASSURALOOMTAY. THE TINKLING HOOFS AND JINGLING HARNESS GROW FAINTER WITH THEIR TOORALOOLOO LOOLOO LAY. BLOOM, HOLDING IN HIS HAND STEPHEN’S HAT, FESTOONED WITH SHAVINGS, AND ASHPLANT, STANDS IRRESOLUTE. THEN HE BENDS TO HIM AND SHAKES HIM BY THE SHOULDER.)

BLOOM: Eh! Ho! (THERE IS NO ANSWER; HE BENDS AGAIN) Mr Dedalus! (THERE IS NO ANSWER) The name if you call. Somnambulist. (HE BENDS AGAIN AND HESITATING, BRINGS HIS MOUTH NEAR THE FACE OF THE PROSTRATE FORM) Stephen! (THERE IS NO ANSWER. HE CALLS AGAIN.) Stephen!

STEPHEN: (GROANS) Who? Black panther. Vampire. (HE SIGHS AND STRETCHES HIMSELF, THEN MURMURS THICKLY WITH PROLONGED VOWELS)

    Who ... drive... Fergus now
    And pierce ... wood’s woven shade? ...

(he Turns On His Left Side, Sighing, Doubling Himself Together.)

BLOOM: Poetry. Well educated. Pity. (HE BENDS AGAIN AND UNDOES THE BUTTONS OF STEPHEN’S WAISTCOAT) To breathe. (HE BRUSHES THE WOODSHAVINGS FROM STEPHEN’S CLOTHES WITH LIGHT HAND AND FINGERS) One pound seven. Not hurt anyhow. (HE LISTENS) What?

Stephen: (murmurs)

    ... shadows ... the woods
    ... white breast... dim sea.

(HE STRETCHES OUT HIS ARMS, SIGHS AGAIN AND CURLS HIS BODY. BLOOM, HOLDING THE HAT AND ASHPLANT, STANDS ERECT. A DOG BARKS IN THE DISTANCE. BLOOM TIGHTENS AND LOOSENS HIS GRIP ON THE ASHPLANT. HE LOOKS DOWN ON STEPHEN’S FACE AND FORM.)

BLOOM: (COMMUNES WITH THE NIGHT) Face reminds me of his poor mother. In the shady wood. The deep white breast. Ferguson, I think I caught. A girl. Some girl. Best thing could happen him. (HE MURMURS) ... swear that I will always hail, ever conceal, never reveal, any part or parts, art or arts ... (HE MURMURS) ... in the rough sands of the sea ... a cabletow’s length from the shore ... where the tide ebbs ... and flows ...

(SILENT, THOUGHTFUL, ALERT HE STANDS ON GUARD, HIS FINGERS AT HIS LIPS IN THE ATTITUDE OF SECRET MASTER. AGAINST THE DARK WALL A FIGURE APPEARS SLOWLY, A FAIRY BOY OF ELEVEN, A CHANGELING, KIDNAPPED, DRESSED IN AN ETON SUIT WITH GLASS SHOES AND A LITTLE BRONZE HELMET, HOLDING A BOOK IN HIS HAND. HE READS FROM RIGHT TO LEFT INAUDIBLY, SMILING, KISSING THE PAGE.)

BLOOM: (WONDERSTRUCK, CALLS INAUDIBLY) Rudy!

RUDY: (GAZES, UNSEEING, INTO BLOOM’S EYES AND GOES ON READING, KISSING, SMILING. HE HAS A DELICATE MAUVE FACE. ON HIS SUIT HE HAS DIAMOND AND RUBY BUTTONS. IN HIS FREE LEFT HAND HE HOLDS A SLIM IVORY CANE WITH A VIOLET BOWKNOT. A WHITE LAMBKIN PEEPS OUT OF HIS WAISTCOAT POCKET.)

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